Tragicomic Chronicles

You Better Work

2010-03-27T01:11:36Z

I spent the past week in Boston for a professional conference. Being born in the Midwest (Missouri) and raised almost all of my life in the South (Arkansas), it is not hard to believe that I have not made it up North all that often. In fact, the furthest North I had been until this past week was D.C. Boston was everything and more than I had expected. It had history. It had a great nightlife. And it had great food. Not to mention, it has some amazing institutions of higher education, which I was able to visit Harvard. The conference was like a family reunion. I saw and reconnected with people I knew from my undergraduate days, graduate program, and professional career, as well as made a ton of new contacts throughout the conference. There is nothing better than the feeling of having your passion refueled from a conference. I left Boston tired, no lie, but excited about all of the meaningful work that lays ahead of me over the next year. From my academic course work and research to the work of my assistantship and internship, there is plenty on my plate and to look forward to completing. The conference made me even more ready to tackle it!

If being professionally recharged was not enough, I decided to hit the gym some since being back. I actually ran two miles today on the treadmill at the gym. Dang, I feel good. Or, more like, tired, but good is relative right? This is even after I had worked out last night with a friend (we did chest and shoulders). Why the sudden urge to visit the gym? Simple: summer! It will be here before you know it and I still have the holiday pounds to work off (and muscle to get back). If I had more time and commitment, I would actually go through with the three month P90X system that I purchased a couple months back. The only problem is that the workout routine is six days on, one day off, and realistically I just do not have that sort of time to commit. Or, maybe I do, but I choose to spend my time in other ways. Besides, going to the gym and seeing other people work it makes me want to work it that much more. Competitive much? As my friend told me at the gym last night, "I am only competing against myself." I laughed. Yes, we are our own competition, but it sure is motivating seeing others lift weights and run in order to keep myself going. I may be my only competition, but I sure am not my only motivator. It takes a village to raise my heart rate!

This weekend looks like it is going to be a good time to catch up on some much needed rest, studying, and cleaning my apartment and car. I am a firm believer that a picked up house reflects a picked up life, so I plan to get my life more picked up over the weekend. I am also going to have lunch with a friend I have not seen in a while, so I am really looking forward to that. All and all, things have been moving along nicely with school, work, and life. I have more than enough to keep me busy these days... which there are no complaints coming from me. Speaking of busy, I think I am going to watch some television and take it easy tonight. Tomorrow will be packed full of productiveness... until then... laziness here I come!

Standing by One Another

2010-01-16T06:07:38Z

Things can seem tough. Really tough sometimes. Life decisions, life choices, and just plain life can seem so overwhelming at times. And, when things feel like that, we feel alone. I know I have. We even feel like we can't tell anyone else because, well, they wouldn't understand or we would be embarrassed or we might feel too ashamed or proud. Whatever the reasons, we feel that what it is that is really bothering us, what is really bringing us down is our own cross to bear and our own weight to carry. When I look around and when I talk to people, though, I see and hear a lot of tough situations being fought by others. A lot. From sickness, to finances, to relationships, to loss. We all deal with difficult things throughout our lives. All of us. I know in the past I have forgotten that whatever it is I am dealing with, there are others out there who have dealt with it or could relate or just feel for me in whatever given situations I am in. I think too often we allow ourselves to stand in the way of help for fear that others might not understand, or care, or even love us. It has not been my experience, though, with anything that has felt like the weight of the world on my shoulders that someone else made me feel worse. In those times in my life, people have always made me feel better from just listening, from just relating, and from just helping me accept my own decisions and move towards bettering myself because of them. I just really have thought recently a lot about the baggage we are all carrying around with us or the experiences that we have all gone through and how no matter what, there are people out there who have been through it, are there to help us through it, and others who need our listening ears and open hearts. It's just how do you know if what you're going through someone else can relate to, help with, or is going through? I guess the only real answer, as risky as it might be, is to talk about it and see what happens. I think more so than not, we will be surprised by what we find: love, support, and opportunities to grow. This could be me just being optimistic or overly empathetic, but I truly do believe in the human capacity to help one another through life's experience. It honestly may be the only way.

It's a Semi-Tragicomic Kind of Life

2009-12-14T04:28:55Z

The world has really changed a lot since I used to seriously blog, say, back when I was in my undergraduate days, or even when I was in high school. Heck, in high school, there did not even exist blogs. I created my own. Too bad I did not invent something like Blogger or Moveable type back then. I could have really hit it big. Now, though, there are blogs, wikis, YouTube, and Facebook. It makes me ask the question: do people even read blogs anymore? I mean, blogs about people's lives. Not, per the usual these days, blogs about the latest Hollywood gossip. I must admit, I have not read someone's personal blog in quite a while. I wonder what people are talking about these days? Do people still write journal entry type blogs, or only short status updates? It just makes me think that maybe times have changed and this blog is not even relevant anymore. Maybe I am wrong? Just questions to think about, more so than any real conclusion about whether or not there is much stock in updating this blog. But, because I miss it like usual after a few months, I will give it a go at updating about the happenings of my (tragicomic) life.

I finished my first semester of my doctoral program and, boy, does it feel good. Aside from being under the weather this whole past week, which thankfully I am slowly but surely pulling through, I finished strong. Like any new endeavor, the beginning is always a test to see how up to the challenge you are. And this definitely has been a new chapter in my life. I went from working all the time in a job I loved and being surrounded by friends who I miss dearly to moving to a new place, knowing no one, and going back to school full-time. Things like establishing new friendships, losing a sense of professional identity, and transition issues became themes in the past six months that I had thought about in preparing for this change, but were harder in certain ways than expected. I am still working on these areas, but finishing this semester feels like a step in the right direction.

I was watching the Oprah Winfrey Special at the White House tonight (which my best friend who loves her would be so proud!) and really appreciated the honesty that First Lady Michelle showed when answering Oprah's question about President Obama's and her relationship being envied by others. To paraphrase, Michelle basically said that they are at a great place now, but that to young couples there will be times of great challenge, as there were for them. It's about working through those times that really matters. Seeing as how I do not fall into the category of young couples at the moment, but am younger, I took away the message that everyone has to go through challenges to get to a "good" place. It came across as very honest to admit that whatever envy others may have of their relationship, where they are as a couple now came through making it work.

Right now, I am definitely at a challenging moment in my life, both academically and personally, and through this I can get to a good, even better place. Isn't that really the goal of why I am doing this, any ways? I admit this, because, well, when people who I have not talked to or seen in a while ask me how I have been or what I am doing these days, I usually tell them about my education, about my career, and about the good things that are going on, which usually generates a response of encouragement and support. I mean, that's great, right? At the same time, though, it only tells some of the story. Nothing is ever always rainbows and butterflies and this is no different. I have my challenges, I have my worries, and I have my struggles. I think we all do. I think there is a balance in life that with all the good, always comes some bad, or with all the bad, always comes some good. You can't have just one or the other. You have to have both. And, I can be honest and real enough to admit that things are both right now. Good and bad. More good, than bad, but both nonetheless. I think in bad times, you have to look for the good to keep you going, and in good times, you have to be humbled by the bad to keep you in check.

My site really could not be named better for my belief in life, if not in general but just my own. That life really is tragicomic!

P.S. As you may notice (or not if you have not been checking back often, which I don't blame you because I rarely update), I had to disable the comments. Why, you ask? Well, I had so much spam through my comments that it was ridiculous. Yet another thing that has changed about blogs--now spammers comment more than real, actual people. Seriously? So, if you ever want to comment on something I write, please feel free to drop me an e-mail. I would most certainly like that!

Buzzing Like a Bee

2009-10-24T01:10:33Z

It has been over three months since my last post. Seriously? As you could imagine, I have done a lot in those three months. I started my doctoral program. I have read a ton of stuff. I have talked about even more. I have taken midterms. I have begun doing research. And I have even gotten a program accepted at a national convention. Exciting stuff school-wise, huh? Outside of school, I have kept myself busy with work too, everything from training the student judicial board I advise to working on online training modules. Between the two, school and work, I stay pretty busy, but I have also gotten to visit my friends in North Carolina, march in the National March in Washington, DC, and gone to Atlanta, GA a couple of times. I am really looking forward to this upcoming weekend when my bestfriend, Chad, comes to visit and we are going to Atlanta Pride. It should be an exciting time, no doubt. Since it will be Halloween weekend, as well, we are dressing up as an amazingly cute duo. I will keep you guessing on what exactly we are going as, but it will be worth the wait. So, work, school, and personal life have been exceptionally full and I am enjoying that.

There is plenty more to catch you, my one or two readers, up on, but for now I will start getting back into the journaling business one small entry at a time. I am going to try to get back into the habit of this again, but I make not promises because I think I say I am going to journal more more than I actually journal. No more saying. Hopefully, more doing!

Musicology - Take Two (My Karaoke Favorites)

2009-08-03T21:09:56Z

And just for fun, because I love me some Gossip Girls...

Stream of Consciousness

2009-08-03T03:14:47Z

I was recently reading an article called Demystifying the Dissertation and it mentioned how before you ever start writing, you should have articles cited, outlines made, and pretty much what you are going to write already written. I never start blogging like that, so I may need to break that habit in the next couple of years before I start the tedious task of producing one of the most important writings of my life. Wait, did I just overstate the importance of the dissertation or am I being accurate? According to the author, the dissertation is "the foundation of a scholarly career; a significant criterion in academic hiring; and, for too many, an obstacle to degree completion or the primary factor in attrition." Regardless of the degree of importance for my own dissertation, I pretty much blog without much planned out and just see where it leads me. I think in writing this is called a stream of consciousness. That pretty much defines my writing here. So, in thinking ahead, I am going to plan on hitting the following topics in this entry: dating, public health care, payday, new domain, and, just for fun, the random topics of Jon and Kate Plus 8 and Legally Blonde 1 and 2. Since I have a lot of cover and not much motivation to sit here for that long, I will try to be brief.

Since moving, I have gone on several dates--some several dates, some one date, and some not sure what to make of it? Either way, I have not had a lack of dating since moving, but I do feel off my game in many ways. I think without having a close group of friends like I did before I moved, I lack the dialogue that only friends can have about dates. You know, the conversations that help you make sense of what just happened, what your feelings really mean, and whether or not the guy is even worth a second date. As a result, I am kind of sitting here this evening feeling rather perplexed about what I really think, what I really feel, and what I should do to move forward. Maybe refocusing on forming solid, meaningful friendships should be the goal here so that the next date I go on, I will have people to bounce ideas off of and make sure I am not making bad judgments? I mean, I still do have all the friends I had before, but catching up with them has been difficult (the blame going both ways) and it just is not the same as hanging out and having girl talk over a couple glasses of wine. As much as dating would be nice, I really miss the support of my friends the most, so perhaps I really should refocus my energy and start interviewing for friends. I have met a lot of people whether through work or through other people, but other than a couple people nothing that has really stuck as friendships.

Outside of dating and friends, I also have had the difficult task of getting my health insurance and care established in a new state and with a new provider. As a result of now being a poor doctoral student, I actually qualified for a government assistance program to help offset the costs of a health insurance continuation program. Pretty nifty, huh? Well, in theory. For the past two years, I have really been blessed to have easy to afford, easy to access, and easy to understand health insurance through my employer. I guess I took this for granted, because getting enrolled in this government program, making sure I had all of the paperwork, and getting all of the blood work and examinations done has been difficult and time consuming. I am still unsure if this is all going to work out, but am staying hopeful that it does because in the long run this would really be the best option for my health. As much of a supporter I am of us moving towards a better health care system that insures everyone, it is really discerning to see how difficult a public versus a private health care system has been for me. Now, this may get easier in time and once I figure out all of the hoops of this new system it may even be better, but right now I am very disappointed and disheartened that getting set up and access to this form of health insurance is as hard as it is. Did I mention all of the paperwork? So many trees died as a result.

Not only is my salary as a doctoral student low enough to qualify me for a health insurance assistance program, it also has been two months since I got paid. I remember the advice of Suze Orman from The Money Book for the Young, Fabulous, and Broke that suggested having a six month security fund saved up in case of times without a job or, for me, in between one job and the other. As you can probably imagine, I had no such security fund and these past two months have been the most expensive months with vacations, living with friends and family, and moving. The latter, moving, cost me a lot more than expected--everything from the U-Haul and boxes to furniture and parking fees. Payday just could not come soon enough. And, thankfully, payday was Friday. Sadly, though, my first paycheck was not a full paycheck and it came in the form of an actual check, not direct deposit. It has been a while since I had to actually visit the bank, deposit a check, and wait for it to clear. I did this Friday afternoon and am still waiting for it to clear. I have bills to pays and wish that this would clear so I could do that. You know, there just really are some things you cannot plan for and this was one of those. In this instance, I really am reminded of why I love technological advances that have made direct deposit possible and speed up the process of exchanging money. Because, right now, I needed a deposit into my account like a month ago!

To lighten the mood a little from discussing dating, friendships, health insurance, and needing to get paid, I want to mention a couple shows I just started randomly watching the past couple of days. One, is Jon and Kate Plus 8. I had heard about this show and the drama of the couple separating some time ago, but I had never really watched the show except maybe half an episode here and there. I sat and watched a couple episodes this weekend and was shocked by how much I became invested in their lives so quickly. What is it about reality television that just draws us in? And, I do not even have a lot of life experience to connect me to either Jon or Kate, but yet I sit completely interested in their lives. I don't have children. I am not married. And yet, I want the best for them and their kids and secretly wish they could make their marriage work. Who am I? If I had seen more episodes, I probably would have even cried during the episode I saw of them deciding to get a devoice. Maybe I am just at a vulnerable place right now, but I oddly felt for Jon, Kate, and the 8. Then, I switched channels over to watching Legally Blonde 1 and 2 and the new Legally Blondes movie. It made me laugh, giggle, and happy. Thank goodness for the world being right again!

In other news, I now own www.tragicomic.net. How exciting is that? So, if you type in either .org or .net you will make it to my site. When I first purchased Tragicomic back in the day, it was .net but during graduate school a few years ago, I decided to let my domain registration lapse, and thought I would stop blogging all together. Then, after just a few months, I missed blogging and wanted the domain back, only to find that it had been purchased by someone else. How dare they, right? I was disheartened, but I quickly bought the .org version that was available and settled for that. Well, I was in luck this month, and noticed that the old owner of the .net version had not renewed the domain and so after a few weeks of following the domain, I was able to purchase it again. Now, if only I could get the .com version I would really be in luck. For now, I am happy knowing that I own both versions and it is even easier to reach me. So, if you have not already, bookmark me and keep in touch!

Who's Who?

2009-07-24T22:38:46Z

What an honor! Today, I received notice that my candidacy was approved into Cambridge Who's Who Registry Among Executives and Professionals. How exciting is that? Very exciting, well, until I googled the organization and found out it is a big ole scam. I am glad I did not sign up for this as a poor guy named Kevin did and many others have. I guess I should chalk it up to an ego boast, or a reality check? Either way, I found this worthy of blogging and letting all of you know about in case you too have gotten invited into this outstanding professional organization, though most likely a complete scam. You tell me?

Care to Comment?

2009-07-20T03:16:34Z

So, after speaking with a friend of mine tonight, apparently he is not able to comment on any of my blog entries. When I try to comment on my own entries, I can. No one other than me, though, has made any comments so he may be right. I want to throw it out there and ask if you could, please comment on this entry so I know it is possible for others. Thanks!

P.S. After posting the comment, you may have to reload the individual entry or main blog page in order to see the updated entry. This is because pages are sometimes stored in cache and in order to get the latest update, you need to reload. Just a heads up. Again, thanks!

Part Of My Life

2009-07-16T04:00:34Z

By India Arie

Can you be a part of my life?
Can you be a part of my life?

Oh it's easy to find someone to play with
and almost anyone will do to fill your idle time
but that very special someone
you can share all your dreams with is so hard to find

And it used to be like me to settle for the physical
but these days it ain't too easy to make up my mind
cause apparently your body is just too temporary to take up my precious time

See I've got to know that
that I can be free with you and
you've got to show that
that you're worthy of my time
can you stimulate my mind?

And I know that it looks good,
but can you be a part of my life
and I'm sure that it feels good
but can you be a part of my life
and it probably even tastes good
but can you be a part of my life
I've got to know

I still appreciate the beauty of a man
but there's more than what I need now when it meets the eye
and if beauty's only skin deep
then your pretty skin won't send me to my highest high
oh it's been a long time coming for maturity
and I believe that it's truly what it has to be
cause as much as I admire you
my sexual desire ain't controlling me

See I've got to know that
that I can be free with you and
you've got to show that
that you're worthy of my time
can you stimulate my mind?

And I know that it looks good,
but can you be a part of my life
and I'm sure that it feels good
but can you be a part of my life
and it probably even tastes good
but can you be a part of my life
I've got to know

And I know that it looks good,
but can you be a part of my life
and I'm sure that it feels good
but can you be a part of my life
and it probably even tastes good
but can you be a part of my life
I've got to know

Can you be a part of my life?
I've got to know that
Can you be a part of my life?
I've got to know that
Can you be a part of my life?
I've got to know that
Can you be a part of my life?
I've got to know that
Can you be a part of my life?
I've got to know that
Can you be a part of my life?
I've got to know that

Staying Up (Open) Late

2009-07-15T07:23:56Z

So, I love Wendys. Like, I love it. I almost always order their tasty Homestyle Chicken Fillet Sandwhich, fries, and a Dr. Pepper. It is like to die for. What I do not like, though, is what I have in common with Wendys and that, my friends, is staying up (or in their case, open) late. It is just not possible for me to get to bed at a reasonable hour. I need to work on this, because it is quite sad that by the time three in the morning rolls around I really do not have much to show for staying up late, other than having watched mindless television, read several blogs, facebooked, and messaged. It does not help that right now I am working in a part-time position that does not start until almost lunchtime. Since I signed up for a gym membership today, I think I am going to start tomorrow trying to get to bed at a decent hour, so by the morning I can be up and at the gym, then shower and head to work. I mean, this is the plan at least.

Speaking of plans, I discovered my yearly plan tonight while going through some of my computer files. For the past couple of years, I have created lists that are goals for the upcoming year. Instead of new year's resolutions, I make to-do lists for the year. They have been called Lookin' Great in 2008 and Feelin' Fine in 2009. Cheesy, huh? I know, but as long as they keep me focused and on track, I do not really care what they are named. At the end of the year, I review the list and report on the progress I have made. I was surprised when I checked in to see how I was doing on this list that many of the things I had put on the list at the end of last year I had actually accomplished--from getting into a top ranked doctoral program to presenting at a conference to going to Legally Blonde the Musicial and Disney World to hanging with friends more. I honestly feel good about the things I have checked off or are in the process of checking off. I still have things to improve upon and continue working towards, but overall I am doing pretty well on my list. I kind of create the list to be impossible to completely reach any ways because it keeps me striving to be better and keep reaching. And that I am!

I Go Where?

2009-07-13T19:26:22Z

I was speaking with a recent graduate from the masters program that I am about to start my doctorate in and she mentioned how our department had moved from being ranked sixth to third in the nation for our specialty. Of course, I had to verify this for myself and was overly ecstatic to see it is true. How exciting is that? It just amazes me that I seriously got into such a well established, known, and ranked program. Let's just hope I can now live up to the expectation!

Speeding Past Me

2009-07-12T17:04:38Z

Things have been moving fast since my last post. Actually, fast is the wrong word. More like speeding past me as my head spins. Over a week (almost two!) has past since the last time I put thoughts and feelings to words and so much has happened. The major thing is I moved. Before I moved, though, I had my final lunch with people I worked with, I had my final night out with people I worked with, and I spent a couple days with JP and Clifton in Wilmington, NC where we swam, we danced, we laughed, and hell we even cried on the drive home. It was a great way of ending my days as an official resident of NC, but it was hard to say goodbye to the many people I have grown to love. Then, the day came that I move. JP and Clifton helped me pack up, we had our last breakfast together, and I hit the road for the five or six hour drive from NC to GA. It was just me, the road, my iPod, and my thoughts. It was hard not to miss the past before the future was even there.

I got into Athens around four and met my parents and brother who helped me move into my apartment. It took us longer than I think any of us had planned, but it finally got itself done. We spent the weekend buying me everything, since I had never lived in a place that was not furnished. I got a new bed, couch and loveseat, end tables and coffee table, bar stools, side tables, and a desk. It took me into the middle of this week to actually get everything moved out of boxes, but my place now looks more like a home and I am actually pretty happy with the outcome. As my parents were leaving on Monday morning, I started crying. It was the first time in over a month that I had actually been alone and, no less, in a foreign place. Much like I felt when I moved from AR to NC after graduate school, I felt small and a little scared. But, I sucked it up, and got ready for my first day on the job.

That Monday I started my assistantship, which is a lot less stressful and involved than my prior full-time professional job. Still, I enjoyed my supervisor, the other person who works in the office, and all of the new people that I got to meet. The job itself is also something I will enjoy, especially when the students that I will advise get here. Outside of work, I also went out a few times this week, met some people outside of work, and started what I think will be a really good friendship with a guy named Aaron. It is funny how people come into your life at the right time and I am thankful to have someone who has been gracious enough to show me around and make me feel so welcomed. All and all, work, personal, and transitioning has been going pretty well. Yet, I am still really missing my friends and family a lot, but that is to be expected, right? Sigh. I really miss them all.

Standing Beside Me

2009-06-30T04:44:06Z

"Sometimes in life there really are bonds formed that can never be broken. Sometimes you really can find that one person who will stand by you no matter what. Maybe you'll find it in a spouse and celebrate it with your dream wedding, but there's also the chance that the one person you can count on for a lifetime, the one person who knows you sometimes better than you know yourself is the same person who's been standing beside you all along." -Marion St. Claire from Bride Wars

I enjoyed the movie, Bride Wars, tonight. Not so much the movie, but this quote really spoke to me and reminded me so much of my relationship with my bestfriend, Chad. If you read through the past nine years that I have been keeping this journal/blog, it is impossible not to read about how much he has impacted, changed, and been a huge part of my life. We have been friends for 12 years now! He has been there through the good, the bad, and the ugly. He has been there through all the boys. All the school. All the issues. All the coming out. All the going back in. All the happy, all the sad, and all the just alright. He knows it all. Even though we have not lived in the same town for quite some time now, we still manage to keep that bond strong despite the lack of conversation, despite the lack of time, despite the distance, despite it all. I am not afraid to admit this, but Chad, you really are that one person.

So, where does that leave me when it comes to dating and getting married? I blame it on him as to why it has been so difficult. I mean, really? Seriously, though, I think I can have my cake and eat it too. On the one hand, I can have this amazing relationship with my bestfriend that seems one of a kind and also have a great guy on my arm for a partner? Right? Or, is that asking too much? As I have been told recently by a friend, I have some work to do in the relationship department (apparently I am ranked last in our group when it comes to being relationship-ready). When I think about my relationship with Chad, though, it has to be the strongest and closest relationship I have ever been a part of and that has to count for something, right? Not just count for something, it is something. It is something that not many people get to experience in life (at least from my bias perspective on the matter) and something that will last a lifetime. So, regardless of whether or not I am ready for getting married just yet, I am happy and content with the best friend anyone could ask for. He really has been here all along!

I love you, Chad.

Novel of a Weekend

2009-06-28T20:56:44Z

So much happens in the course of a weekend that it is hard to capture it all, but I will try to do my best. I have been staying on and off the month of June with two of my bestest friends that live in Burlington, NC. They just so happen to also be roommates. One of which, Clifton, I had worked with and the other, JP, I met through Clifton. For the past year, we have been inseparable and very important to each others lives for a multitude of reasons. Most notably, the support we have each given each other through happy, sad, and trying times this past year. If there really is a plan for people's lives, then I truly believe these two guys were meant to play such a huge role in my life this year. Speaking of roles, I am not sure how many other groups of friends do this, but the three of us often think of our lives like reality television and entitled our show "Three Ring Circus." The song that would overlay our introduction to our show would be Britney Spear's "Circus." I mean, really, what could be more fitting that this song to detail our lives--at least in the past year?

Clifton has been dating this guy for the past few months, so his time has become more and more limited. I have been traveling a lot, which has kept me away for some time. And JP, well, he has been busy in his own ways and dealing with a lot of work stress. That said, the three of us really treasure the time when we get to hang out together like old times: the Three Muskateers taking over the world. It all started on Thursday night when JP and Clifton picked me up from the Greensboro Airport. I had been visiting my family in Arkansas for a couple of weeks, so it was my big, grand return to North Carolina. And, boy was it! Right as soon as I got in the car, JP and Clifton informed me that we were going to the Q Lounge for drinks and fun times. This is how they do it--the last time they did a similiar thing was back in December when I was returning from a family visit and we went out to Stir in Chapel Hill. At Q, we had drinks, we saw people we knew and met people we didn't, and we called the night kind of early because we were all really tired. It was a great night of reconnecting and catching up!

Friday night was another one of those fun nights with the boys. It was not only a boys night out, it was also my last Friday night in NC for sometime. On our way to Greensboro, NC to see the Greensboro Grasshoppers baseball game, JP and Clifton told me they had come up with a name for my spin off show, since I am moving away in just a week. My show would be called "Tragicomic Chronicles." Awe. I found this to be rather fitting since, for almost the past decade, I have been on and off keeping this journal/blog. Though I am sad to think about my life now being a spin off from the original, there will definitely still be crossover and visits on both shows from each character. I look forward to those times!

We got to the game about thirty minutes or an hour late due to a few incidents--JP forgetting his ticket and JP and I needing money from the ATM. So, once we got there, we met up with some old coworkers of mine, as well as friends, and started watching the game. I also enjoy Minor League Baseball because throughout the game they have fun activities planned and you can really sit, hang out, and drink. The only Major League Baseball game I went to was many years ago when I was much too young to drink and it lacked the fun aspects. I suspect this is because the minors have to find ways to attract people to actually attend the games, other than just the baseball, and the majors just have to play ball to get the fans. In general, I love live sporting events, but not for the reasons you might think. I like them less because of the actual sports and more for the community. It has become rarer and rarer that people really interact, socialize, and hang out in big groups. Heck, even on their front porches or at community centers or parks or lakes. Maybe I am only speaking in terms of my own experience, but I just sense a lack of community and coming together in our society. When I attend sporting events, I just really feel a part of something and it makes me feel good.

I was able to feel "good" for about thirty minutes, before the weather had other ideas. I had noticed the sky looked a little darker, so I began to ask around if others thought it may rain. JP quickly answered, "no, no it isn't suppose to rain." That was that. It was not five minutes later and it poured. Like, not just a little rain. Like, seriously, it rained hardcore. Therefore, I blamed the weather change on him throughout the night. So, everyone did a mass exodus and found shelter under the rafters. Clifton, JP, and I made the most of it, though. The three of us have a dance that we call the "Car Dance" and have added many counts to throughout the year. So, we took the opportunity to make lemonade out of lemons and preformed the dance for our friends. We definitely got noticed and someone even took a video with their camera of us which may or may not end up on YouTube. I also did my own lesson on how to properly do the Stanky Leg which also received many looks and laughs. It was fun times.

After the rain subsided, Clifton, JP, and I were over the game and decided to head to the bar, instead. We went again to Q. When we first got there, it was almost dead. And those who were there were quite our elders. One, in particular, was Mom. She was an 80 year old woman who was a born, raised, and lived her entire life in North Carolina. She spoke a lot about Carolina Beach and this one bar in particular. She would not necessarily say it, but I picked up on her tone that it was a lesbian bar. The owner's name was Brenda. The most notable feature about Mom was her shirt, though, which was brightly colored and had the word "Cancun" imprinted on it. We asked her if she had been to Cancun, which she said bluntly no. We laughed. And, for the rest of the night, we either called her Mom or Cancun. I also introduced myself to her, after hearing what her name was, as Son. I thought it would be fitting and fun and, well, it was. So, you can call me Son or Jon Nathan, which was the alter-ego that JP, Clifton, and I came up for me for the night.

After sometime of talking with Mom, she took it on herself to show us more than we bargained for: we saw her lift up her Cancun shirt and show us exactly what was down under. It was insane! Not just once, but three times throughout the night she took the liberty to show us her coconuts. It was not long after her second showing that Don and his boyfriend, Nick, showed up. They were (lucky enough to be) there for the last and final showing, so they did not have to take our word alone on seeing Mom's headlights. I mean, how do you follow that? So... We danced. We drank. We sang. We laughed. We had a great time. We, again, met some new people and saw some old people. It was another good night and we retired sometime after two or three. Are we still only on Friday night?

Saturday during the day was filled with preparations for the night. Clifton was going with his boyfriend, Nick, to a wedding and JP and I were traveling to Raleigh, NC for dinner and a show. That evening, JP and I headed to Raleigh around six and sang our little hearts out to RENT the entire way there. It was a surprise that we did not lose our voices because we were really owning it. I explained to JP the difference between volume 13 and volume 15 on my car's sound system. 13 is if you still want to hear yourself singing and 15 is if you want to make sure you are drowned out. We choose 13 and did not care whether or not we were exactly on key or not. We just sang and sang and sang. It was the perfect pick me up for a very eventful night ahead.

JP and I met up with Tucker, the guy I have been seeing for the past six months, at The Pit in Raleigh around 7:15 p.m. I had one of my first dates with Tucker there and was really looking forward to seeing how JP's reaction was to the, as I called it, "Southern, classy food." Sadly, there was an hour and a half wait and so we decided to venture elsewhere. I think it worked out for the best actually, because the place that was a block or so away was Humble Pie and we each really enjoyed the atmosphere and our food. It is funny how sometimes being random, spontaneous, and go-with-the-flow can really work out (then again, it can be just as likely that it can go horribly, horribly wrong!). Thankfully, in our case, it really worked out that time and we left feeling ready for the bars that were on our agenda.

The reason JP and I came to Raleigh was for the third cheerleading performance that I had already done two times with a drag queen named Gabby. There were six of us who did backup for Gabby in the original show, but at this performance there were only four of us. Our skit cheerleading performance was the Talent portion for Gabby in the Miss Gay North Carolina Pageant at CC's. We got to the club around 9 p.m. so I could make the practice that Gabby requested all of the cheerleaders be there for. While getting my things out of my truck before going in, I noticed that I had left my shoes and socks at home! Once I told Gabby, she suggested that I run by the nearest Walmart and try to buy a cheap pair of white tennis shoes. Showtime was only an hour and a half away and JP and Tucker had left the club to hit another bar before the show started. So, there I was... faced with the task of navigating a very unfamiliar city and trying to beat the clock to get everything done in time. To top it off, my gas tank was on empty. I had only six miles remaining on my gauge. What was I to do?

Well, I did what I do best--I worked under pressure! I took to the streets (not in that way!), got to my car in the parking garage, and off I sped to first find gas, then find a Walmart. Thankfully, I had my handy dandy iPhone that helped me tremendously. I Google mapped directions to the nearest Walmart and hoped that a gas station would be on the way. Four miles later, I was at a gas station, filled up, and back on the road towards Walmart. What I was not expecting, however, was to end up in the parking lot of an abandoned Walmart and shopping center. I looked around and all I saw were buildings that were empty. No Walmart! I did notice two cars near one of the buildings, so I drove up to one of them, rolled down my window, and asked a lady if she knew where the nearest Walmart was. I was in luck, as it was less than a mile away!

I got to the Walmart, ran in, and quickly located some white, women shoes that were a steal: only ten bucks! I could not make up my mind, though, between getting a size 10 or a size 11, because really I needed a 10.5, but who can be picky when you are on a time crunch? So, I took the 10s figuring it was better to be doing gymnastics in tigher shoes, than loose ones, and made my way to the checkouts. It was crazy busy. Not a single line was open and all of them had long lines. Apparently, the thing to do on a Saturday night around 10 p.m. in Raleigh is hang out and buy things at the local Walmart. While in line, another older lady told me this big long story about how she had been stung by a bunch of bees while gardening earlier in the day, had to go to the hospital with her husband (who was standing with her and not really saying much), and was now purchasing all of the medicine to help her welps go down. By the time she was done telling me her bee story, which I am personally allergenic to bees so I was kind of glad it happened to her and not me or else I would swell up like a balloon and it is not pretty, I was at the checkout. After checking out, I throw away my receipt on the way out and went walking very quickly out of the front doors. Note to self: do not throw away your receipt before leaving the store, especially when your items are also not in a bag because you requested no bag to be more sustainable. This makes you appear to be stealing and you will get stopped by security, as I did. Well, security being the nice lady at the front doors who just reminded me to not throw away my receipt next time and she let me go. Still, go with me, it was dramatic!

After I left Walmart without being jumped by security for stealing, I got in my car, rolled down the windows, turned up my music, and sang at the top of my lungs because I had done it. It was only 10:10 p.m. and I had twenty minutes left to make a five to ten minute drive back. I safely and within the speed limit made it back in time. I proudly presented my shoes to Gabby who approved of them instantly and was so thrilled that it had worked out. I think she was really concerned about getting points deducted for one cheerleader not having matching shoes. I mean, seriously, drag competitions are serious, y'all. Not only are they serious, they are really, really, really long. The pageant started at 10:30 p.m. and went until approximately 1:30 a.m. Somewhere in there, we preformed. It went over well and we got a huge applause. It was really fun to get to walk around the club in my cheerleading outfit and see all of the older men make comments about me. I better enjoy it while I can, right? You know, before I become one of those men, which really is not that far away.

When we were not performing, the cheerleaders, JP, Tucker, Tucker's friend, Knox, and some other guys who I met sat around talking about the performaces, singing, and having a really good time. Since I had been out the two nights before this, I took it easy on drinking and acting too crazy, but there were plenty of other people who were taking my place and doing an excellent job of enjoying themselves. After the winners were announced, which was somewhat bittersweet because Gabby won Runner-Up, which means she is able to compete in the Miss Gay America pageant, but she did not get the title of Miss Gay North Carolina, we all decided against hitting up another bar we had discussed going to and, instead, just finished the night at where we were. At one point towards the end of the night, the song "Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me" by Elton John started playing and Tucker and I slow danced to it. I am pretty certain that most people do not slow dance in a club like this, but we did and it was really nice. I am going to miss many things about Tucker, but one of the best memories I have of us are of slow dancing with him at his house and last night. Sometime after two in the morning, we all called it a night and went our separate ways.

The next morning, which was Sunday if I have lost you by this point, Tucker, JP, and I had brunch at Pei Wei Asian Diner, which just so happens to be Tucker's favorite place to eat at and I treated it to him for his (late) birthday that I was out of the state visiting my family for. It was JP's first time there and he left feeling very good about the experience, well that was until the car ride home, but let me not jump ahead of myself. After brunch, we all headed to Tucker's and spent some time just chilling with him before JP and I made the trip back home. We left around 1:30 p.m. and said our goodbyes. In someways, I left feeling like it was just like all the other goodbyes with Tucker, knowing that there would be another date, another time to hang out, and another fun activity to do together, but in other ways I felt like it was a closing of sorts. Goodbyes are hard, especially when you are unsure of how the next chapter of your life is going to change you and change the availability for and proximity to someone you enjoyed spending time with. On the ride back home, JP and I had a great conversation about the past year, relationships, and looking ahead. Not too far into the trip home, though, JP had to take a stop on the side of the interstate because all of the drinking he had done the night before (and maybe even from the combine total of the past three nights) caught up with him and needed to leave his body as quickly as possible. It was definitely a sight to see, or, err, look away from in horror. Poor guy. After wards, though, he felt a thousand times better and by the time we were home he was in much better spirits.

This afternoon, I took it easy with JP and then Clifton came home and joined us. We did what the three of us do best--talked, joked, and shared advice. Then, tonight, the three of us had dinner together at Clifton's favorite place to eat (and somewhere he has worked at in the past), Texas Roadhouse, which I just so happened to have a giftcard for. It was amazing and our waitress was excellent. JP thought her and I had a thing going on, so maybe I am partial? We headed home after dinner, hung out some more, and JP and Clifton called it a night pretty early. The past three days have definitely been eventful, tiring, and exciting all at the same time. I am welcoming some much needed sleep tonight and, perhaps, a somewhat slower start to my week, because the end of the week is when I make the big move from North Carolina to Georgia and I am going to need all of my energy.

Oh, and I cannot forget to mention before I go to bed, that today also marked my stepbrother's big wedding day. Mickey, my younger step-brother, got married to his now wife, Lauren. I have always wanted a sister and am happy that Lauren will be that girl. She is a lot of fun and really loves our family, so I am looking forward to having her around much, much more. I was quite sad about not getting to be there for my brother's wedding, but they decided on the date all of two weeks ago and made a point of making it as small as possible. They got married on the side of a river and we all jokingly referred to it as a "Big Redneck Wedding." I wish them all the best and am very happy about the new addition to our family!

This Is The Life

2009-06-23T06:52:45Z

The days at home are good. Real good. So good, in fact, that I kind of feel like this is the life. My older brother still lives at home. He is 29 now. Though I realize my older brother has other reasons for why he stays at home and probably always will, I have to admit this is a sweet deal. I sleep until noon. I lounge around. A couple days I have even been unmotivated to shower. I know, gross huh? Dinners are usually always cooked--two nights ago it was steaks and tonight it was pork steaks. And on the weekends, I usually wake up to the smell of breakfast cooking, whether that is omelets or French toast or some other yummy meal. When we do go out, be that a movie or dinner or even the store, my parents cover everything. I mean, really? This is the life!

If I could defer my doctorate for a year, I might consider living at home and living this life. I say might, because honestly after these two weeks I am going to welcome feeling more productive and having a busy life again. I kind of thrive on that, but this hiatus has been much needed and beneficial for my sanity and health. I visit home a few times a year, so I am definitely not going to feel guilty about enjoying the perks that come with it. I am not sure when I may get the chance to come home like this again, so for the next three days I am going to make the most of rest and relaxation. I say this, though, already having my day pretty planned out tomorrow. I am going to visit the school I attended for my undergraduate and graduate work and have lunch with my mentor and favorite professor. Can I tell you how excited I am about this? I mean, I really am! This, of course, makes me a complete and utter nerd. I realize this. I embrace it. And I am really looking forward to it. As such, I should really be hitting the sack... but before I go I want to hit some highlights about my past week.

I spent the weekend in Fayetteville with my bestfriend, Chad, and got to see some other old and new friends. The weekend was filled with good times--from lots of free drinks to lots of laughs.
For Father's Day, we grilled out and I gave my step-dad a radar detector. Let's hope that helps his driving record and insurance!
My dad called. I have yet to return his call and am not sure if I should? It has been years since we last spoke and I wonder what there really is to even talk about? I need to think more through this before I hit return call.
I saw The Proposal tonight with my mom and we both thoroughly enjoyed it. Go see!
I reviewed job postings that I would be interested in pursuing once I finish my degree in a few years. You know, just to remind me why I am actually going through with more school and what opportunities I still need to seek out in order to be well positioned for these jobs once I graduate.
Tucker turned 32 on Saturday. I messaged him, I text him, and I called him. I just need to actually see him to really make it count.
And, most importantly, I actually updated this site and am now blogging again. That, my friends, is something to really be excited about. So, get excited, get, get excited!

Well, that is enough for tonight. Good night, world.